who lets you cry 24/7 without getting angry at you, who loves all the little stupid videos you make for him, who loves everything you bake, who doesn’t get mad at you for being hyper and drawing a heart shape with fabric marker on his favorite varsity tee shirt, who doesn’t mind you talking, and going out for lunch with other guys for fun, who drives all the way to your house to lie down with you in the car for 15 minutes, who doesn’t get mad if you are late, who doesn’t lose his temper when all about him are losing their heads, who studies and gets good grades, who never tells you things you want to hear, rather things that you need to, who grabs you by the back of your neck and kisses you, who thinks you’re cute (even though you’re not) when you’re getting mad, who takes forever to notice that you’re not wearing makeup, who remembers all the important dates that you have as a couple, who hugs you and doesn’t say anything when he doesn’t know what to do, who never stops telling you that he loves you, who time and time again, finds a million ways to tell you that he will be together with you forever.
Thank you for the best six months I’ve ever had with another person. Thank you for calling me your own.
Just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands,
honor to love you.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written in this.
My thoughts are so morbid sometimes, I scare myself. I often dream about myself dying, and the people around me losing their minds. So scary isn’t it? How two significant events a couple of months apart can embed such a horribly sad thought into your head for the rest of your life.
I just got my new Macbook Pro two days back and I am so in love with it haha. I’ve managed to surprise shot my mum’s face twice with the photo booth uglynator. She looks so hilariously ridiculous.
The boy and I have been going so strong haha. It’s only close to six months, can you believe it? It’s weird how long it feels, and how short it is, yet how long it’s been. Wooh, what a mouthful.
There’s never a day that goes by without me missing him, or wanting to inhale his scent from the sleeves of his shirt. I would like to know what it feels like to spend one whole day just being together, away from everybody, just once. Wouldn’t it be so amazing? But I will wait for this moment. Because the longer it takes to come, the more I will appreciate it when it does.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life before. I get so incredibly emotional every time we say goodbye, and for a person who claims not to be clingy and knows this for a fact, I hang onto every word we exchange and every giggle he takes out of me. I take in the moments where we lie in bed and stare at each other for what seems like forever. If I could breathe him into my being forever, I would.
I wish there were enough words in the world to describe how wonderful it feels when we are together, but I guess that’s why you can never portray such a beautiful moment into words.
It’s too late for mind boggling thoughts. I only wish to be lying under the crook of his elbows, intertwined in his cold feet, feeling his breath on my cheek. Just him and I, me and him forever and ever and ever and ever. <3
We are five months down the road, and though I know it’s quite annoying at times, I’m so proud of us. I can’t wait till we stop getting excited about the months, and start getting excited about the years! Isn’t it sad how every anniversary from here on out, I’ll be having my PMSy mood swings? I’ll try to not be so grumpy, I swear, but sometimes I can’t help it.
Do you know what it’s like being with you? It’s like the world is shining down on me, but the weather is cold. It’s like keeping your fingers warm in the car, and letting out farts in your room, and feeling your lips on mine everyday. It’s like double rainbows three times a day, and eating that snowie cornflakes for all my meals and not getting fat, and eating truffle chocolates. It’s like watching Remember Me for the first time, and not caring about what I look like when I’m with you (SOMETIMES), and hearing my favourite songs in your car. It’s like your face when I surprised you for your birthday, and your god awful singing and dancing, and our love for Darren Shan, and cats and disagreements on almost everything in the world including Coke and Pepsi.
Everyday for the rest of my life, I want you next to me. Because we never fight (thanks to you), you’re never sad (thanks to me), and we’re always contended, and happy, all the time, ALL THE TIME.
I love youuuu. Even if you’re malay, and dark, and skinny, and small, and Islamic, and have big gums (like me). HEHEHEHEHE.
I love you I love you I love you.
Okay peace out.
To say I incessantly miss him would be a tragic understatement. There were lots of things that we say to each other in the back seat of his Chevy just barely a few hours ago. Things that were crude, things that were meaningless, things that could be, things we wished would just disappear, and things that will never be forgotten.
Tonight, lying in my bed an hour before midnight next to him must have seemed like one of the most impossible things that ever happened. And all the things that would remind me of tonight would be seared in my mind forever. The warm glow of the lamp on my bedside table, the chilly breeze of the air conditioning, the musk of his scent, the gentle floating balloon next to my door, the feel of his fingers along my back, the hot flush of the shower, the rustle of the towel, the pretend tuck-in and kiss goodnight, finding our way in the dark, the sand between our toes, and our hugs goodbye.
It struck me that something could’ve really gone wrong throughout this whole hour that we were together, but it didn’t. Maybe it was the universe’s way of compensating for the time we left behind that we can never get back again. Maybe it was the fact that the man controlling our universe let us do an evil deed for the greater good of ourselves, that to steal a seamless, silent hour of midnight away, for each our own little slivers of good memories, and cocooned happiness, was just enough to make everything better.
So when it’s late at night, and I find it hard to fall asleep, all I have to do is remember. Remember the feeling of him pulling the sheets over my shoulders, pushing back the hair from my face, and trailing kisses from my forehead all down to my lips, and wishing me goodnight. All I have to do is remember, and then everything seems okay again.